Hi Francis,

How to overcome a depression on an easy way?

My father was a lot of times depressed in his life for several months after each other and over many years, what ended sadly in an unexpected suicide. A depression for him could last over periods of about 3 or 4 months. Redrawing in solitude, not speaking, irritated at all kind of small things, everything seemed to be bad, sad and negative for him. What created a lot of tension in his marriage and with his three children. Then, there was a little progress and revival, and after a few months he got stuck in a same kind of depression again. Sadly at an age between 10 and 20 years old, I did not know then, what I know now. What I like to share with you, to give you an alternative to dissolve depression from your life. When you find it difficult to help yourself, just ask for help of professionals in your environment. Feeling bad and sad, is Not Good for you and Not Good for others.

Before, we can dissolve depression from our lives, we have to know what a depression exactly is and what the real cause of depression is. When we understand the real cause, then we can make adjustments to change the depression into happiness again.

What is a depression?

A depression is a Negative Emotion, just like fears, worries, disappointments, jealousy, shame, irritations, frustrations, anger, hate, etc. and feels Always bad and sad.

What most people do Not know in life, is that every negative emotion you experience in life is based on your own formulated negative thoughts. When you keep formulating negative thoughts over a longer period, you have a depression. Like an endless cycle of focusing and formulating negative thoughts, and accordingly experience negative emotions and negative upset, bad and sad feelings.

Let's prove above statements in a simple example.

A man is living a normal life and has an average job. Then suddenly, still slowly everything seems to collapse. He gets an unexpected large bill to pay. The next day his car won't start for several times, and after the seventh time it starts and he drives to his work. His boss is yelling at him at his work in front of everyone for doing something wrong. He realizes that he made a huge mistake, that cost the company a lot of money. Colleagues at work hear it and laugh behind his back. He realizes he doesn't really like his work nor most of his colleagues. When he arrive home, then his wife tells and shouts at him, that he did this and that wrong and want him to change, or else... His children talk to him and want him to do this and that, and he doesn't feel like it and walks away. They start to cry and his wife comes to comfort the children and looks angry and disapproving into his eyes. He steps finally into the bathroom, locks the door and then he take a bath to relax for a moment for himself.

What would an extreme pessimist, someone who formulates always negative thoughts do?

1. When he receives the bill. He shall think, I don't like to pay so much money, I don't like to pay this bill, I hate this bill, I loose a big part of my savings, my wife shall go nuts, etc. What emotions shall he have? Disappointment, irritation, frustration, anger, shame, fear, etc. And how do these negative thoughts make him feel? Upset, bad and sad.

2. The car won't start. He shall think, What a stupid car, I hate this car, Come on start you piece of shit, He hits the steer wheel hart and hurts himself, everything is working against me, I can't even buy a good car, Man I am a loser, Come on start, etc. What emotions shall he have? Disappointments, irritations, frustration, anger, lower self-esteem, etc. And how do these negative thoughts make him feel? Upset, bad and sad.

3. The boss is yelling at him in front of everyone, and colleagues laugh and talk about him. He shall think, I wish I was not here, what a bastard, I hate my boss, in front of everyone. They are laughing at me and think I am a loser, I am a loser, No I am not, yes, I am. I don't like my work, I don't like my colleagues, this really sucks. Etc. What emotions shall he have? Shame, Disappointment, insecurity, lower self-esteem, irritations, anger, perhaps revenge, little despair and feeling helpless, etc. And how do these negative thoughts make him feel? Upset, bad and sad.

4. His mistake shall cost the company a lot of money and the boss is angry with him. He shall think. Man, I shall get fired for this. When I lose my job, I lose my house. My wife will kill me and certainly go for divorce. I don't see my children again. I have to sell my house, where do I live? My God, my life sucks. Why did I made that mistake? Others were distracting me at that time, it's them, it is their fault. No, I did it wrong. Man, how could I be so stupid. There is no way I can hold my job. I am finished. What emotions shall he have? Fears, disappointment, regret, insecurity, lower self-esteem, frustrations, anger, despair and feeling helpless, etc. And how do these negative thoughts make him feel? Upset, bad and sad.

5. He arrives home and his wife and children react to him. He formulate thoughts such as, She is angry with me again, everyday it the same story, I get so tired of her blaming me for this and that, If I don't change, she leaves me, If I don't do that, she finds another man. I am a bad man, I am a bad father. Perhaps, she is right. I even walked away, when my children wanted to play with me. I am really a bad father. How do I tell her I am probably going to lose my Job, it shall be the end of our marriage. I know it for sure. With all the problems I have, my life really sucks. What emotions shall he have? Despair, helplessness, fears, worries, tiredness, shame, disappointment, insecurity, lower self-esteem, etc. And how do these negative thoughts make him feel? Upset, bad and sad.

The point of this explanation is to see, How negative thoughts really create automatically the negative emotions and Upset, bad and sad feelings in ourselves. What shall happen if this person in above example, shall handle these experiences always with negative thoughts on the same way? Then he shall feel constantly negative emotions and feeling upset, bad and sad. When he handle constantly all situations in his life with negative thoughts, then this person shall become depressed. What means he formulates constant negative thoughts, and accordingly experience the negative emotions and upset, bad and sad feelings. A depressed person knows only this way of formulating negative thoughts, when a negative or a bad situation appears in his life. Then he handles it with negative thoughts, and causes his negative emotions and bad and sad feelings. After a while even more positive and good situations which appears in his life, he shall also handle them with negative thoughts, causing negative emotions, upset and bad and sad feelings is his life.

Depression is a negative cycle in which someone handles almost all situations in life with negative thoughts, and automatically start to create negative thoughts. By this creation of choosing negative thoughts above positive thoughts, he creates his own depression. Then he causes by his reactions and choices, problems with others and this increases the negative and bad situations in his life, and therefore the problem can grow out of hand.

The feeling of self pity, to feel bad and sad, can sometimes also be embraced by a depressive person, what can become addictive. It is much easier to create a situation in solitude, and to feel self pity, and to comfort or hurt yourself in this sad feeling. When people experience depression and can't handle their life, they often retreat in self pity, because it is easier to create and control this small situation for themselves. And the comfort or hurt they give themselves makes them feel a little bit better. But, it doesn't dissolve anything. Also this situation of self pity gets after a while unbearable for them and then they serious start to think about suicide. To end life, tiredness and suffering. Still, not realizing and not knowing, that they are making themselves tired and suffer by their own formulation of negative thoughts. That is all what depression is about. They don't realize that changing their way of choosing and formulating instead of negative and egoistical thoughts, they can choose positive, loving and good thoughts in every situation, which makes all the difference in their life. Between being depressed, or being happy.

What would an extreme optimist, who only creates loving, good and kind thoughts for himself and everyone all the time, think or do during these experiences.

1. When he receives the bill. He shall think, It is what it is, I shall pay it right away, then it is solved. Can we still pay for everything else? yes we can. No, reason to take action. And he focus his thoughts on other positive thoughts and things to do next. What emotions shall he experience? Contentment and Confidence. How do these positive thoughts make him feel? Yes, Good and Happy.

2. The car won't start. He shall think, It is an older car, I shall take it to the garage to see if they can fix it. I can do this in the afternoon in my lunch break. I shall ask for another car and drive with that until my car has been repaired. I hope the car shall start soon. Let's try again and again. He smiles, when he turns the key again. (After the seventh time the car starts), Yes, it works, I am always lucky and Life is always good for me. Yee, here we go. What emotions shall he have, Contentment, Confidence and Happiness. And how shall these positive thoughts make him feel? Yes, Good and Happy.

3. The boss is yelling at him in front of everyone, and colleagues laugh and talk about him. Our optimist shall think, My boss is not happy, It really says something about my boss, that he let himself go in such a negative way, at least my colleagues are entertained. I think it is wise, not to smile, I better keep a poker face, not to escalate the situation. I shall let my boss do his thing, and then I ask him calmly to talk further in his office about the situation. What emotions shall this person have, Contentment and Confidence. And how shall these positive thoughts make him feel? Yes, good and wise.

4. His mistake shall cost the company a lot of money and the boss is angry with him. The optimist let the boss finish his remarks angrily, and asks his boss calmly to go into his office to talk about the situation. Please, explain to me, what problem did I cause? The boss explains still angrily that he made a huge mistake and the company shall lose a lot of money. And indeed even the optimist sees and realizes his Huge mistake. He explains calmly to his boss the situation, how the mistake happened. Yes, Indeed I forgot to include the last report into the numbers and see that this caused this huge problem. It was my mistake and the only thing I can do, is to make sure by improving my control of better administration of documents, and create a physical checklist to check if all reports are included, so it never happens again. I apologize for my mistake. That is all I can do, Sir. The boss says, I think about it. The optimist leaves and thinks. We shall see what happens next. I have still my job and I'm not fired. No, need to take action. I dissolved the problem nicely, calmly and the best way I could. It shall work out, in one way or another. Let's go home, what shall we have for dinner tonight? I hope she cooks macaroni with cheese. What emotions shall he have? Contentment and Confidence. How does these positive emotions feel? Yes, good, wise and happy.

5. He arrives home and his wife and children react to him. In this optimistic life his wife would also react differently, because he has a different life, than a pessimist. But let's assume that his wife, for the first time starts to complain, and yell at him of things he did not do what he promised. What would he do or say? He would smile, tries to give her a kiss and hug her. But, she pushes him away. And he smiles again and say come let's sit down and talk about it. He listens to her and after she has finished her complaints, he asks questions about it. He asks her to listens to him next and ask afterwards questions about it. He searches for an agreement which make them both happy and settles the situation. Then he asks can I hug you know and give you a kiss? The wife smiles and says, of course. When he walks further and children pulls at him and wants to play with him, and he is very tired from handling all those challenging experiences in his life. He just sits down on the ground and the children jump unto him and he thinks. I love them very much, I love my life and I enjoy being part of my family, what gives him all the energy he needs today. After diner, and bringing the kids to bed, he said to his wife let's have a bath with candles and relax together. She agrees and they enjoyed their life. What emotions shall he have created, by his thoughts leading into actions? Contentment, Happiness, Enjoyment, Confidence, Wisdom, Kindness, Caring, Sharing, Resourceful, Respectful, Humor, etc.
How does he feel, Loved, Happy, Kind and Good.

Now, think about this situation, which did almost Not Change at all for the pessimist and the optimist. Still, there is a huge difference, how these two people feel. The pessimist when he goes on living like this in his life by formulating negative thoughts, he shall become depressed, shall lose his wife and even perhaps his job. A pessimist shall say this is logical, because all the bad things happening in his life. Which is a wrong conclusion, because the optimist more or less experienced the same. Only dealt different with negative situations, as challenging experiences, to handle them all with positive, loving, wise, kind constructive and positive thoughts. The optimist kept on feeling good and happy, because he chose the Right, Good and Loving thoughts in all situations.

Place the two lists next to each other and only by reading the words, the negative thoughts make you already feel bad and sad. The positive thoughts or ways of the optimistic person makes you smile, happy and feeling good. Try it and discover the Truth in these Words.

The optimist focused only on positive and loving thoughts, what he can do, how he can dissolve issues, what he likes to do, what he loves to do, what possibilities he has, who he likes, who he is, what he has, saw constantly a positive future etc. Positive and loving thoughts leads always to solutions, happy and good feelings and can change everything.

The pessimist focused only on what he couldn't do, what he is not, what he didn't have, what or who he didn't like, didn't loved or didn't wanted, what he failed to do, what might happen negative in his future, etc. And negative thoughts Never leads to solutions and you only feel bad and sad. And doesn't change anything.

Do you see the Huge difference? Which person do you prefer to be?

What did someone say? You think you have a personality, that tells you who you are. That if you are insecure, more pessimistic, nervous, introvert, fearful, someone who worries a lot or something else? That you are that way and cannot change? Interesting, but Not True.

Your personality is Not who you are, your personality is what thoughts you formulate. As we have proven clearly in above words. Realize, if you have fears or worries, you have created negative thoughts that create these fears or worries. If you are insecure, you have formulated negative thoughts that made you insecure. If you are nervous or introvert, you have formulated negative thoughts that made you nervous or introvert. Really? Really.

At every moment and in every situation in your human life, you can formulate thoughts as a choice. A good choice is to formulate good, positive and loving thoughts for yourself, for everyone and Nature. A bad choice is to formulate bad, negative and egoistical thoughts which are in the end, Not good for yourself, Not good for others or Not good for Nature.
In general when people experience negative situations or negative persons, as challenging experiences, then they handle this experience by formulating automatically negative thoughts. Because, it was always this way for a lot of people. They do not realize at every moment in your life you have a Choice, to formulate positive as good thoughts or negative as bad thoughts, what respectively leads unto positive, good and happy feelings or negative, bad and sad feelings.

When someone addresses you negatively and you reply with negativity with formulating negative and egoistical thoughts and ways back in return, you escalate the negativity of the situation. When a negative situation appears in your life and you formulate negative and egoistical thoughts, you escalate the negativity of the situation into more negativity and bad and sad feelings for yourself. Do you see the illogical behavior of formulating negative and egoistical thoughts and ways of many persons in life?

Or, when someone addresses you negatively and you reply with positivity with formulating positive, loving and good thoughts back, you diffuse the situation. When a negative situation appears in your life and you formulate positive, loving and good thoughts, you also diffuse the situation into happy and good feelings for yourself.

When you understand these Words, you know that neither a negative person, nor a negative situation can Ever make you feel upset, bad or sad. But, the only one who create negative emotions, upset, bad and sad feelings is your own thoughts. When you choose negative thoughts, you create in yourself negative emotions and negative bad and sad feelings. When you choose positive thoughts, you create in yourself positive emotions and positive, happy and good feelings. It is what it is, nothing more and nothing less.

The next issue to know is that at every moment in your life you can choose consciously in the present moment which thoughts you like to formulate in your thoughts. Someone steals your wallet. Stop, think before you act. What thoughts do you formulate next? Positive or negative thoughts? One leads to good and happy feelings and the other to negative, violent, bad and upset feelings. It is just a choice to feel happy or unhappy.

Sometimes people react impulsively on subconscious thoughts in their memory. What means you do not think and react on these subconscious thoughts stored in your memory to act impulsively in a certain way. You don't think but do. Subconscious thoughts are thoughts you have learned in the past and stored them into your memory. For example. If I throw a soccer ball unto a one year old child who walks, and this child sees the ball coming. The child doesn't do anything and gets hit and falls over. Because, this child did not learned in the past what to do in such a situation. When you grow up you have learned by lessons when a ball comes at you, to duck or to catch a ball. Lessons of subconscious thoughts you have stored in your subconscious thoughts in your memory. When I throw unexpectedly a ball towards you, and you see it coming, then you shall duck or catch the ball impulsively. That is how it works. It is in basic the same way as we learn or remember thoughts in life. I do not go into detail here, you can find the complete answer how subconscious thoughts work in another answer on a question, how to forget your past.

Impulsive behavior is for everyone a need and a curse. Because, we have taught ourselves to react on all kind of different issues. When someone takes something from you, most people have learned to want it back or take it back. When someone yells at you, some people have learned to yell back. When someone hurts you, most of us feel the thoughts to take revenge, to hurt someone else too or to punish them. When someone dies, you feel you have to cry, to mourn, to feel sad. When you win you are happy, when some people lose they react angrily, sad, crying, etc. When you see a happy movie you laugh, when you see a sad movie, you cry, when you see killing, destruction and racing cars, you enjoy the excitement, when you see slaughter and scary movies, you get scared and frightened. What is all based on acting on subconscious thoughts you have taught yourself by repetitive doing the same thing, or thinking repetitive the same thoughts, or focus with emotions on specific thoughts. Everything we think and sense are thoughts. Which thoughts you give attention by focusing on or repeating the thoughts, you learn, and you place them automatically in your subconscious memory. To act on them impulsively.

Your personality, means thoughts which you have learned in the past and stored in your subconscious memory and act on it impulsively. That has created your personality and character. To be more pessimistic than optimistic, more nervous, fearful, violent, quicker irritated, frustrated, angry, hateful, jealous, feeling lonely, or more as a depressed person formulating more negative and egoistical thoughts, instead of good, loving and positive thoughts, etc. Or visa versa, when you have embraced and learned positive subconscious thoughts in the past, that created in your subconscious memory, positive, loving and good characteristics and personality.

Now, you have all the causes why someone is depressive and the tools to dissolve the depression from your own thoughts. Is it difficult? Nope, it is not. It is easy for everyone, still it needs some effort. But, I guess reading all these words shows you have really the desire to do something about your or someone else's depression. Just follow the Words.

How are we able to TRANSFORM all Negative thoughts of a depressed pessimist into desired Positive, Loving and Positive thoughts of an optimist, who feels good and happy. To do this all at once is impossible, to do this serious with talking and talking, is boring, time consuming and difficult, so we make it into a game. A game to enjoy, to keep it light and to move every time a level higher. All you need is two A4 papers or similar and a pen.

For the Ones who are interested in this method, you can erase all your negative emotions and all bad and sad feelings from your life. To experience only Good, Loving and Happy feelings all the time, no matter what. By just following the rules of the Game. In official terms we call this Game “The Path to enlightenment”. Later you shall find out, why I call it this way. Realize this one page, I agree a very long page. Still, this can change your life forever, if you are willing to do the work. Let's start.