Hi Zora,

How does a person deal with a situation in which a loved-One passes over (=dies)?

Loosing a loved one in some cases can be felt by people as a Trauma. After experiencing a Trauma or passing over of a Loved One, how are we able to enjoy life and feeling happy and good again.

Let's have a look at some Truths of Life.

Everything what happens in your life is perceived by your senses and processed in your thoughts unaware or aware by yourself.

Everything you observe or sense in life by watching, reading, Seeing, Hearing, Tasting, Smelling and Feeling, becomes your Conscious thoughts.

Conscious thoughts are simply thoughts you formulate in the present moment. I think this or that, I like to do this or that, I remember last summer..., Let's go here or there, etc.

All conscious thoughts you focus on Repetitive or with a lot of Emotion, are connected by synapses in your brain to other subconscious thoughts and becomes aware or unaware your memory, perspective and personality. This is the how we learn something in life.

Subconscious thoughts are conscious thoughts we have created in a past, memorized and are activated by a trigger into our conscious Awareness. This is how we remember.

A trigger is a picture, a word, a happening, a sound, a scent, a taste and/or a feeling. Like when I say a word, like `father`, your synapses in your brain reveal other subconscious thoughts connected to this trigger. To light up subconscious thoughts in our conscious Awareness. To be able to remember, and to built our memory and personality by thoughts.

Why is this important to know? Because you can build your memory and personality by thoughts on an Aware and Good way, that is creating always happy and good feelings. Or you can built your memory and personality on an Unaware random bad way, and have so now and then happy and good feelings, or very often feel upset, bad and sad feelings.

Simple example. When you lost a loved one in life and a year later, you find a personal item of this loved one. Then this personal item is a trigger. It triggers your subconscious thoughts that are connected by the synapses in your brain. What decides automatically which subconscious thoughts light up in your conscious Awareness. When you have connected negative subconscious thoughts to this trigger, you feel upset, bad or sad again. When you have connected positive thoughts to this trigger, you feel still Happy and Good. And of course you can have negative subconscious thoughts and positive subconscious thoughts light up in your Awareness and feel bad and sad, and a little good and happy. What is determined by what you focus on next, with your conscious thoughts.

What happens when you react impulsively? When you are triggered by a happening in life, then you react on subconscious thoughts automatically, which you have taught yourself before in the past. When I throw unexpectedly a ball to a very young child who never played with a ball, most probable it will hit the child. When I throw unexpectedly a ball to you, you duck or catch the ball. The little child did not learn this in a past and does not have created subconscious thoughts to react on. Still you learned this in your life, so you react on subconscious thoughts, that are connected to the trigger. When you hear a Word you know, Catch. You instantly and impulsively Catch, by subconscious thoughts.

Just as we all know, we have a clear-cut difference between Bad and Sad feelings And Good and Happy feelings. Right? We have also a clear-cut difference in Negative and Positive thoughts. The conscious thoughts we sense or formulate in a present moment can be Negative or Positive. The conscious thoughts we repeat often and/or focus on with emotion, becomes our subconscious thoughts, or are stimulating the subconscious thoughts to be stronger present in our memory.

When you say for example 12 times slowly and intensively I can't do it, I can't fix it. What shall you then believe? You shall believe these Negative thoughts that you can't do it and can't fix it. And you shall feel bad and sad about it, and shall Not see any solutions.

When you say for example 12 times slowly and intensively I can do it, I can fix it. What shall you then believe? You shall believe these Positive thoughts, that you can do it and fix it. You are fired up with enthusiasm and positivity. When you don't succeed, you instantly think other positive thoughts; What can I do to fix it, who can help me, etc.? Positive thoughts leads always to solutions.

Above example is just to explain the difference between positive and negative thoughts and their consequences. More about this issue we shall explain further below.

The Causality of Thoughts, Emotions and feelings.

Positive thoughts, create positive emotions and positive feelings, as feeling Content, Good and Happy, and Not visa versa.

Negative thoughts, create negative emotions and negative feelings, as Upset feelings, feeling Bad or Sad, and Not visa versa.

Most people create in life unaware and random thoughts. Sometimes people create positive thoughts and therefore feel Good and Happy and a lot of times they create negative thoughts and feel bad and sad. What means sometimes people feel good and happy and sometimes they do not. Does this sound familiar for you? What we are trying to teach people is not to embrace randomly thoughts, but to choose always positive thoughts for yourself, so you feel all the time happy and good. It is just a choice.

Let's see if we can clarify this by three types of people.

An Optimist formulates always positive thoughts, instead of negative thoughts, and therefore feels always good and happy. Right? Even when there is a negative situation or a negative person in his or her life. The optimist brings this happening into a positive context, by formulating positive thoughts and create automatically positive emotions and good and happy feelings.

A Pessimist formulates more negative thoughts, instead of positive thoughts, and therefore feels more negative, upset, bad and sad. Right? As soon, there is a negative situation or a negative person or even something good in his or her life, this person formulates negative thoughts. The pessimist brings this happening into a negative context, by formulating negative thoughts and create automatically negative emotions and upset, bad and sad feelings.

A Depressive person. What does someone do when he or she suffers a depression? This is someone who is a pessimist, because this person constantly formulates negative thoughts in most good and always in bad situations. Negative thoughts create constantly negative emotions and upset, bad and sad feelings.

At every situation and at every moment in your human life, you have a Choice to formulate positive thoughts OR negative thoughts. Which one you choose aware or unaware shall have consequences in your life. To feel bad and sad OR good and happy.

When you say, but my personality is to be fearful or feeling sadness about a loved one who died, then you are acting impulsively on subconscious thoughts. When a trigger of danger appears, like a sound in the dark, then it triggers your impulsive fearful response. When a memory of a died loved one, triggers, your impulsive sorrows, missing and sadness, then it triggers your impulsive sad feeling. Still, the cause of our impulsive behavior and reactions is determined on how we have built our memory and personality with thoughts.

Can you overrule a trigger, that light up negative subconscious thoughts and you see and feel them, or you act impulsively on them? Yes, of course, Think before you Act, and choose positive conscious thoughts to formulate at the present moment, to overrule your subconscious thoughts. When you see an item of a loved one, and feel sadness coming into your feelings. You can change your focus, instead of looking and remembering negative thoughts, UNTO focusing and remembering the positive thoughts of this loved one and item of the past, to create automatically positive emotions and good and happy feelings.

For example.
You see a watch and you remember that your loved one died, the sickbed, the sadness, etc. Do you see, the watch triggers, the negative thoughts you have connected to this trigger. If you look at the watch and think with yourself, only about all the good times with the loved one, to have given the watch as a present, and the loved one smiled, and carried it everywhere, after he or she received it. The Watch becomes a pleasant and positive memory and not a sad and negative memory. Do you see the difference? Unaware this person created this watch into a negative memory, and Not into a positive and loving one.

How can we distinguish positive from negative thoughts?

A Positive thought, is only positive when it is good, loving, kind, sharing, caring, peaceful, supportive, forgiving and harmonious for yourself AND at the same time for EVERYONE else too AND at the same time for Nature too. (To be complete).

All other thoughts are negative thoughts.

When I say I am not smart enough to understand this. Is this a positive or a negative thought? Yes, a negative thought, because it is not good and loving for this person. A person could also choose to say, I am smart enough to understand this, or otherwise I shall ask questions to learn to understand it.

When I say, I am Not, I cannot, I do Not like, I do Not Love, I hate, I dislike, I have not, I cannot do that, I feel lonely, I get irritated when, I get frustrated when, I get fearful when, I shall be ashamed when, I am angry, etc. then you create Always negative thoughts. Besides that, It doesn't dissolve anything, you only feel upset, bad and sad.

When I say, I am, I can, I like, I love, I like him or her, I have, I can do this or that, what can I do, How can I feel loved, I am alone but always can make new friends, I love it when, I am always fearless, People can feel shame because they shouldn't focus on shame, but focus on their thoughts, to transform negative into positive thoughts to erase the shame of their life, etc. Then you create always positive thoughts. Besides that it always dissolve issues and leads you to solutions.

Another example. Your loved One died. Should this negative and sad experience in life dictate how you feel after this moment? Does it help, is it good and loving for you, your family or the person who died, to feel upset, bad and sad? No, it is Not. It doesn't change the happened situation in life, you only punishing yourself by your own choice to feel bad and sad. Some people do this for months, some for years and some for a complete life.

What people do Not realize is that a negative situation or a negative person in your life, does Neither create your negative thoughts, negative emotions nor your upset, bad and sad feelings. But, you chose aware or unaware to embrace negative thoughts and to create your own upset, bad and sad feelings. When a loved one died it is a sad situation and nothing can change this, but that doesn't mean that You have to feel bad and sad, what is a huge difference and doesn't help and isn't good for anyone.

There are choices to make, what do you like to remember? The good and loving experiences you had with a loved one in the past, or the bad and negative experiences you had with the loved one in the past. The first one leads to good and happy feelings and the second one leads to upset, bad and sad feelings. Choices are causes and causes have consequences in your human life.

When a loved one passed over and you know they have made mistakes in life. You can blame them, and point the finger at them and formulate negative thoughts with experiencing upset, bad or sad feelings. Or you could say that person should have lived longer, to learn more in his or her human life.

I hope one day, people shall understand that life is all about thoughts and choices. Man is equal to each other, only the thoughts, they formulate are different. What creates good and bad people, happy and sad people, wise and ignorant people, fast and slow learners, etc. What gives us room to love everyone, no matter, what they chose in their lives.

A lot of back ground information, to make sense of life, thoughts, emotions and feelings.
When you had a Trauma, what can you really do?

Processing Trauma in 4 Steps:

1. Accept instantly, that it happened to you and/or someone else.

2. Place that, what happened to you and/or others into an Honest, Realistic and Positive Perspective.

3. Transform Negative thoughts, thoughts which are Negative for yourself and/or others and creates upset, bad and sad feelings, INTO Positive thoughts, which are Good and Loving for yourself and others, which shall create Good and Happy feelings in yourself.

4. Replace Negative thoughts with Positive thoughts in your mind, to let them become your Belief, Perspective and Personality. And erase the negative thoughts from your mind.

Four steps to process Every Trauma correctly. Perhaps it sounds difficult, but it is Not. Just follow the Words and Examples and you shall see, it is easy and simple. And it shall change your life. Not for a moment, but forever. Off course, I shall explain every point we have listed and show you with an example, how you can choose to deal with the death of a loved one or another Trauma.

Example of a person that lost a loved one.

A woman was married for 28 years and very rapidly, her husband got bowel cancer and died within 3 months. The husband is buried and she is very sad. She asked me, what she could do, to deal with the lost of her husband on a correct, positive and loving way.

1. She has to accept that it happened to her.

What does this mean? This means that she has to accept, that her husband got cancer and that he passed over. There is nothing she can do to change that situation or this past event. The only question remains, how do she deal with this situation as a challenging experience in her life? This separation of a loved One shall remain always a sad event in her human life experience. Everything that happens in our life, belongs already to the past. We can formulate negative and egoistical thoughts about it and feel upset, bad and sad, or we can choose to formulate positive and loving thoughts about it and feel good and happy. When we experience a bad or sad event in our lives, it doesn't mean we have to feel upset, bad and sad about this event also. We have to give that what has happened, a place in the past, and to bring this situation in a right, loving and positive perspective. She has to choose in the next moments of her life, her positive and loving thoughts, which are good for her AND good for others also.

My advise is to take a paper and pen and write down. I accept this ..... happened to me, and I understand I have still to fulfill my human life on the best way I can. I desire to choose my thoughts well, to be able to feel good and happy again, what is good for me, the passed over loved one and even for other family and friends.

2. She has to bring that what happened, into a right, honest and realistic perspective

Take a paper and pen and write for example this kind of words down. My husband got unexpectedly sick, and suffered of bowel cancer and he died, what creates a challenging experience for me, to deal with this on a right, loving and good way. I understand that this sad experience in my life AND how I think and feel are two separate issues. I Allow myself to feel good and happy, what is good for myself, for my passed over husband, good for family and friends. I don't desire to feel upset, bad and sad. The event was sad enough, when I create only upset, bad and sad feelings on top of that, it only becomes worse for myself, for my family and friends too. I, We all deserve to feel good and happy again.

When you are religious or even Not religious, you can use this knowing of what happened to your husband. For example, My husband is on his way to Heaven, where he shall be taken of by God. When I live my life to the fullest, I shall return also to Heaven, where I shall see him again. Where we can communicate about our experiences on Earth.

When you realize your Loved One has passed over, and imagine he can see you on Earth, do you think he would like to see you upset, feeling bad and sad, or feeling happy and good? Imagine you passed over and saw your loved Ones on Earth, how would you like them to feel? I bet you would like them to remember all the good, loving and positive things in life you shared together and focus again on being happy and feeling good. Wouldn't you? When your Loved One is able to hear your voice and thoughts, what would you like to tell him? The good and loving things in life, or the bad and sad things in life? What would make the passed over loved one and you happy? Yes, the good and loving things you shared together. Focus on your human life ahead of you, accept that it happened to you. You brought this experience into an honest, loving, realistic and positive context and can focus again on your human life, to experience and enjoy your life again. Yes, things can become different than it was before, new challenging experiences for you to learn to handle it also in your human life. And don't forget, you can always ask others to help you to learn how to deal with issues in life, you didn't do before. Your passed over loved One is very happy and doing well in the other dimension, and so should you.

 

3. You have to transform thoughts which are negative for you and others, which feel bad and sad, Into thoughts that are good for you and good for other people, which feels good.

When people lose a loved one, they mostly automatically create thoughts which are Not good for themselves and Not good for people around them and even not good for the passed over loved one Soul. Which we call negative thoughts. Let us see what negative thoughts the woman can have made during and after this experience.

When you desire to find negative thoughts, just answer this question;

My husband passed away and I really think or I feel……

Negative thoughts list

I feel such a loss, I will never see his happy face again, his smile….
I want him back, at my side
I feel so sad, and cry all the time
I think often how terrible his sickbed was
I think often how much pain he had
I don’t want to live anymore either
I don't know what to do in my life
I can never be happy in my life again.
A part of me has died too.
Life has no meaning more for me, now he is gone
I don’t want to let him go, I want him back
Etc.

Now, I shall say something nobody likes to hear, still it is true. Look at above example of negative thoughts. What do you see returning everything in this list and also in a list you can make for yourself? It is all about the person him or herself, who remains on Earth, the Ego perspective, based on greed and ego in this case. The ego perspective in ourselves creates negative thoughts, which causes upset, bad and sad feelings. Look at the list, it is all about what she doesn't want, or want with ego, I want this and that, I feel so sad, I feel so bad, I am a victim and it is so sad for me, I don't want to do next, etc.

Side remark. Do you know why God created Emotions, bad and sad feelings in life? As a guidance, to guide you to happiness and feeling good in your and others life. When you feel bad or sad, you have negative emotions, because you have created negative thoughts which are Not good for you and/or Not good for others and/or Not good for Nature. Like a signal in life. How long should a signal last, yes, very short. To change the negative into positive thoughts again, to have positive emotions and to feel good and happy again. If you feel bad or sad, take your negative thoughts and change them into positive thoughts and you feel good and happy again. We all know this, but most of us don't react on it.

Realize these negative thoughts make you feel bad and sad. You can choose to formulate other positive thoughts which are good for you AND good for others. Don’t think or say: that is Not a reality for you. Just see it as a way to have a look what you can do differently and why. Only after understanding all of this, you will understand how you can deal with passing over of a loved one or erase any other Trauma or negative emotion from your life. It is all the same. Just bear with me and try to follow and do the exercises.

Positive thoughts are always the opposite from negative thoughts. Just create a beautiful list of all positive thoughts and even positive recommendations when you some pops up unexpectedly in your thoughts. Let me show you in below example, where I transformed the above negative thoughts into positive thoughts.

Positive thoughts list.

I know he passed over and I will see his happy face and his smile again in Heaven. Still, I have to finish my human life to the fullest and should focus on my life ahead.

I should give my love, support and happiness to my family, friends and others around me.

I can say my goodbyes to him and remember the good and loving things we have shared and experienced in life. As a passed over Soul he can hear my thoughts and voice and can enjoy them too.

I know he loves to see my happy and feeling good, so I shall become happy and feeling good for myself, for him and others in my life.

When I finished my school on earth, we will be back with each other, but it is important for me to handle all present situations positively and lovingly. This makes me happy.

When he sees me happy and everything is good with me, he can pass on to Heaven.

I have to let him go, to focus on my life and try to make the best of it.
I see for my suns and daughters this would be good too.

To let go doesn't mean I stopped loving him. I shall always love him with all my heart. To let go means to focus back on my life on Earth to become happy, and to let him to focus to return to Heaven. In the end we shall meet again in Heaven.

I wish him well and much love on his journey to Heaven.

When I should have passed over, I really want him to be happy too, when he would be left behind on earth. I know he wants me to be happy and feeling good, even right now.

I should pick thoughts of the past, which made us happy. Then I respect and love him the best way. I should quote nice stories to my grand children, so he can in the other dimension live them with us.

He is still alive as Soul, just as I am. He just left school, because he finished. Now he is waiting for me at home in Heaven. Still I am alive as a human and I have to stay a little longer in school on Earth, to understand my reason of life and to cope with it positively.

I understand that my husband just had to go and it is a temporary situation. I have and can help my grand children and son and daughters, I should focus on that.

At night when I am in bed, I shall talk with him, like we always did. I know he will understand me. Although I can’t understand him, but I try. Still, I know he will hear me.

In the fist weeks I want to say my good byes to him and know he stays for a little while longer with me on Earth. Then I want him to pass on and wait for me in Heaven. At home, where other passed over loved ones are able to love him as much as I do.
Etc.

End positive thoughts list.

Compare the list with negative thoughts and the list of positive thoughts. Which one is good for the woman? Which one feels good and happy to you, just by reading these kind of thoughts in words? Yes, the positive ones, because we have erased the Ego and placed the negative experience into a positive and loving context. Which you can in all situations do in your life. It is just a choice you can make for yourself, what you desire to belief. One kind of negative thoughts make you feel upset, bad and sad. The other kind of positive thoughts, shall Always make you feel good and happy. What choice do you prefer?

The positive ones, only reading the positive thoughts you will understand it automatically creates positive emotions and you will feel good.

Most people shall say, but this is Not my Reality or this is Not my Personality. Realize when you are fearful in life, you have formulated thoughts that makes you fearful. When you are sad in life you have formulated thoughts that makes you sad.

When you are disappointed in life you have formulated thoughts that make you disappointed. When you are nervous, insecure, jealous, irritated, angry, hateful, resentful, frustrated, stressed, or other, you have formulated thoughts, that make you feel this way.

What is the best thing you hear in the paragraph above. You hear and know the cause of your negative emotions in your human life in perspective at life or personality. When you know the cause of negative emotions and bad and sad feelings in your life, you are able to do something about it. The cause of negative emotions, bad and sad feelings are Negative thoughts. Transform the negative thoughts into positive and loving thoughts and you can feel good and happy again.

Your perspective at life, or personality in life, is Not WHO you are, but WHAT thoughts you have formulated in the past as subconscious thoughts or in the present as conscious thoughts. Now, we have two lists, the negative thoughts, which makes us feel upset, bad and sad, and the positive thoughts, which makes us feel good and happy. The final step number 4. is explaining how to Change our perspective at life AND to Change our personality in life on a simple and easy way.

4. Replace Negative thoughts with Positive thoughts in your mind to let them become your Belief, Perspective and Personality. And erase negative thoughts from your mind.

We have created two lists. A negative thoughts list which represent our present thoughts, belief, perspective and personality. What creates negative emotions and upset, bad and sad feelings. Which we like to erase from our belief, perspective and personality. And we have a positive thoughts list which represent our thoughts we would like to have in our belief, perspective and personality, to create positive emotions and happy and good feelings.

A. To connect positive thoughts to your belief, perspective and personality.

Read and Repeat slowly and intensively the positive thoughts list you prefer, as if the positive thoughts are already yours. And if you can, visualize yourself being and thinking this way from your heart. Just Repeat this list with positive thoughts over and over again. Start at first to read this list at least 7 times a day, and really take your time to enjoy this process. Just by reading them and imagine them already to be yours. Do this like a game with fun and pleasure, imagine how great it shall be if you have become this person.

After repeating this for a while the synapses in your brain will connect these positive thoughts with your belief, perspective and personality. As simple as it is written here.

When during the day one negative thought appears back in your mind. Smile, and start just to repeat the opposite positive thoughts seven times again. Every time. It takes a little while to exchange the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. When there is a trigger, that brings you back to negative thoughts. Smile, and start repeating the positive thoughts list again. To connect this trigger you experience and notice, unto positive thoughts. Just by repeating them over and over again. After a while you notice that the trigger, doesn't bring negative thoughts into your Awareness, which feels bad and sad. But you experience by the same trigger that your own taught positive thoughts appear in your Awareness and create balance in your thoughts. Try it and you know it works. Just give it a little time.

B. To disconnect negative thoughts from your belief, perspective and personality

When you don’t repeat the negative thoughts, don’t think, talk, communicate or visualize about the negative thoughts. Then the synapses shall not be used anymore and become weaker and weaker until, they disconnect automatically, and you will forget the negative thoughts. It is as simple as written here. Shift your focus from negative thoughts unto positive thoughts respectively to become from a partly pessimist a complete optimist.

What is based on knowing how synapses work in a brain. Use it for own and other´s benefit, to feel all the time Happy and Good, no matter what happens in your life. What literally means you have become Awakened and Alive.

Only by trying, you shall know that this is the best way to handle a passing over of a loved one, all trauma´s and to handle Negative emotions and their bad and sad feelings. To erase them from your human thoughts and personality.

When you feel bad and sad, find the negative emotion which is always there. Then ask yourself, Why do I really feel so bad or sad? Brainstorm all thoughts you can find, and notice they are all negative thoughts. Make the positive list, with the opposite positive, loving and harmonious thoughts you prefer. And repeat the positive list over and over again, until you have erased your bad and sad feelings, and changed your belief, perspective or even your personality. Change fearful, in fearless, insecurity into confident or egoism and greed, Into loving and giving, etc.

Repeat and repeat also this text over and over again, to make these thoughts yours.

Research your thoughts, understand them and you shall learn what is going on in your thoughts. You shall discover thoughts you thought you never had. I did too. Get really to Know Yourself. It always works without exceptions . It helps and make you positive, loving and much more happier. Only by trying you will know it works, it works and it works. Only eleven pages to change your complete life into a happy and good One.

Life is all about thoughts and choices.
Choose well.